Allergy parents all over want to attack the school! Attack the teacher! Attack the nurse! It was their fault they let a child die this way! How dare they! And they want me to stand beside them and shout with anger too because I am one of them but I have to say that I am not sure who I am more upset with....
#1 This child was in 2nd grade. A 7yr old turning 8. I have dealt with food allergies for 18 long years. All three of my children have had or have them at one point in time or the other. And ALL of them by 7yrs old knew their allergy. They knew what they were allergic to. They knew to ask if food was safe. They knew what to do should they feel a reaction. By 4yrs old, Megan was able to give you a list of allergies from food to a break down of environmental, her reactions to each and what to do. And yet this child, peanut allergic, ate a peanut on the playground given to her by a friend. Not a hidden peanut in something like a cookie. ATE AN ACTUAL PEANUT. This tells me the parents did not prepare this child. When we send our food allergic child out in the world, even at age 7, we have to not only prepare the adults who care for them but give responsibility to the child as well. Not all adults will pick up on things. Not all adults are food allergy aware. A child must know what their allergy is and that is a fact and a fact of survival.....even at age 7! An actual peanut could not be any more obvious.
#2 The school does not openly talk about the situation but has given statements along the way like "Execution of the plan is dependent on the parent's ability to inform the school of needs and to provide appropriate resources," Smith said in a statement to msnbc.com. " And that the school sent home forms for the parents to fill out and it is their responsibility to fill it out and bring in the needed medications. This is in reports. In the news. In interviews. This tells me the parent must have not done something. Either she didn't fill out the form or updated it. We know she didn't have the medications there. She says she brought in an epipen and the school refused her but other parents from the same school say they have had no issues with the school and their medical plans. She said she gave them permission to give Benedryl but there was none provided at the school. Allergy moms are furious cause they know there was Benedryl and epipens there for other students and the school should have used them to save her life.
Here is the reality....schools will NOT....WILL NOT use a medication meant for another child no matter how ill your child is. They WILL NOT....WILL NOT use an epipen meant for another child. You can write it is ok to give your child XYZ but without a letter of consent, a dr note AND the medication, that letter will of parent permission will mean little in an emergency. That is the reality of it. And expecting a school to take an epipen from another student and use it is illegal. And I am furious that I am expected to stand beside these moms and shout in outrage because, quiet frankly, they are being stupid!
So who is to blame? The child who didn't know her own allergies and ate the peanut? Her friend who had a peanut in her pocket on the playground and gave it to her friend? The parent who didn't follow school rules on preparing for an allergic reaction? The school/teacher/nurse who stood by and let the child die and did nothing more than call 911?
This is what I do know.....
My children had or have food allergies. I do not ever expect another person to be 100% reliable for them and assume EVER that the caregiver will know how to deal with my children's allergies. I don't assume a waitress will check to see there are no carrots in the salad. I do not assume that the Sunday school teacher will check to make sure there is no wheat in the item she is handing out. I do not assume that my child's friends mother will look at labels when they go over for dinner.
I DO assume that my children know their allergies or at least pretty darn well. Allergies to foods. Allergies to environmental. Allergies to medications. I do know that my children know to ask if something is safe before eating it and if unsure they look themselves or not eat it at all. I do know that when in doubt, I provide the replacement items so my child can eat safe. I do know my children know what to do if they have a reaction.
One of the things that angers me the most with allergy moms (and I only speak for some, not all) is that they assume the world owes them to keep their child safe. We have peanut free schools but I seriously doubt they would go egg free or wheat free or dairy free even if a child were anaphylactic to them. Yet parents of food allergy children feel that a school with 100 or even 1000 should conform to their child's needs. And this greatly angers me which is why I post very little on the food allergy sites for parents. The world owes us nothing!
Delaney was wheat, barley and oat allergic. The 1st three years of her life she was on a gluten free diet. Certianly too young to even say she can't have a cookie provided unknowingly by someone. Did I expect social gatherings to become gluten free for my child? No. I provided my own food for her. Notified teachers and caregivers and friends. Even went so far as to put stickers on her in large gatherings that said "Do no feed me. I am food allergic" simply because she was too young to say it herself.
Megan is apples, carrots and tree nuts. Do I expect the school to clear out the veggie and fruit bins and shut down the school if there is a tree nut? No. I provide safe foods when needed. She avoids when uncertain. Knows not to even touch a plate or table if they are there. And knows what to do with that epipen in an emergency.
Food allergies are a life sentence. They deal with them, most times, forever. They must know their allergies, reactions and what to do. They must learn to fight for their life and conform to their environment. Not the environment conform to them. It is not their teachers responsibility or their friends or the Sunday school teacher or the waitress. It is theirs. They have lived like this all their lives. It IS their lives. It is a part of them.
So what is the solution to a very sad and tragic thing like this? Well after reading, I do rather like that epipens are being pushed to be available in schools. To be used in an emergency like cpr would be done or a defibrillator would be used and not given permission for if your child suddenly collapsed. As all allergy moms know, new foods strike up attack at any moment and can take us by surprise. Wouldn't it be nice to know that safety net is there? There for the children who know of food allergies and for those who don't know and are suddenly hit.
I do think that schools, teachers and the food industry should be better informed on allergies. Nothing angers me more than sitting in a restaurant and pointing out something on a plate that we requested not be there and the waitress just removes it and hands back the plate! This is ignorance and should not be happening. People who work with food and care for children should be better trained. Knowledge will save a life. Ignorance can kill.
But, overall, the most important thing that can be done is lets take some responsibility for our kids and ourselves too and not assume the world around them will do it for us!
In this moment of tragedy, we shouldn't be shouting with anger at any one person. There was not one single person to blame in the Richmond, VA incident. Everyone was to blame. All of us. A child lost a life because somewhere, somehow she fell through the crack. Instead of shouting and taking up arms and pointing fingers, wouldn't it be better for all our children to learn and grow from this? Her 7yr old life was worth so much more! The question really is.....where do we go from here?
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