Missed opportunities or blessings?

I recently found someone who has been missing for a long time and when I finally found that person, I also found out that she had passed away.  I was mixed with feelings of sadness and anger along with other feelings.  I wasn't sure what I truely wanted of the person I sought other than answers. I suppose I won't be really getting them now.  So was all the mixed up feelings I had because I felt I missed out on something or another reason?  It got me to thinking about it. What REALLY did I want?

I realized that I don't think I was truely upset over missing out on the person I was looking for.  Oh I was  mad and disappointed and sad at being too late but I think it was more so because I missed out getting the answers I wanted and not so much that I missed out on the person who gave them. After all I have lived most of life without her and, well, even without the answers.  I know that sounds mean but the truth is, if all the things in my life were changed, if I knew different people and grew up in a different place or worked in a different job, etc, then I wouldn't be....well...me.  And I kinda like me. I like my life. I like my job.  I like me. I am blessed on who and what I am.  So if those things that made up my life were different, wouldn't it seem logical that so would I be?

I have three beautiful children that fill my life with so much love that my heart seems to burst. I have a strong and caring husband and a nice home.  I like my job and the children I am blessed to work with.  I am a strong person who is not afraid to push up her sleeves and do what must be done.  I am organized and like doing things like running a business and VBS. I am good at it.  I enjoy reading and music and dance.  I am creative and artsy.  I have family and friends who care about me that I have known all my life and some who I have recently gathered.  All of which I believe shaped me into who I am. I have fond memories of playing outside and watching movies with friends and family vacations and visits to my great grandparents house in the summer and laying on the hammock watching clouds go by while eating watermelon and gatherings with family who mean everything to me.  If the people who touched my life the way they did and still do where not here or different, would I be this same person?  Would I have the blessings I have in my life?

I got a surprise in my searching. I found another person I didn't even know I would need to find and who knows where that will led.  Another person to add to my list of people who have or will change my life? Where it leads, I know not. Life is an adventure is about all I can say! It is never boring and always changing!  I had a another missing person found 14 years ago and am blessed he found us so I can only assume that this new adventure will hold the same possibilities. Who knows.

In the end, we cannot change the past. We cannot focus on what ifs and what should have/could have been's.  There is no need for anger or sadness or disappointment as we cannot change a thing.  They are wasted emotions. We can only take what is laid before us and mold that into what is our life and move forward.  Make them all into blessings.

"Every long lost dream led me to where you are
And others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know it's true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you"