Finding her way

Lately, I have noticed that Megan is going through some issues with her friends. Her texting is more limited and sleepovers not as many. It concerned me that I did not have a houseful of giggly girls this summer. NOT that I was complaining but it was certainly noticeable. I had, at one point, sat down and chatted with Megan about this. I was becoming concerned. Was there problems? Was she depressed? What was going on?

Megan tells me that her friends are getting on her nerves and mentioned a few issues. Basically it narrowed down to what will be change. Megan and her friends are 13 and in 7th grade. I remember that time like yesterday. It is around this age that they are all trying to find their way. They are struggling with peers and values and hormones and wants. This was the time in their lives where change was going to happen and they would soon be choosing their group of friends that would carry them into high school. Gone were the days where they all were friends and laughed over Barbies, tag and bodily function noises. Now it was about picking friends and interests and which group they would find themselves in.

You know what I am talking about. In my time there were the druggies, the jocks, the nerds, the 'in' group, the troublemakers, the class clowns, etc etc etc. Now the groups branch off with different names but they are still pretty much the same. Earlier years you had your bestest friends but you went to school with all your classmates. You got invited to all your classmates parties and sometimes played with a classmate that wasn't your bestest friend. But come 13, they are choosing groups. Their interests and family values will come into play now. One will not happen to see a band member hanging with a cheerleader. Or the sports girl hanging with the artist. And it is about now this is coming to pass.

Megan's issues with her friends point this out to me and we talked about this. I am a bit concerned as Megan tends to be a follower. She is not the type to easily break away from the stream and do her own thing. If she gets into the wrong group of friends, it will not make for easy high school years to come! I can only pray that our lessons and values will guide her like they did Ryan.

In truth, I don't like many of Megan's friends either. I find most to be rude, spiteful and mean. To others and to even those within their group. They are allowed to do things that we do not allow Megan to do and I suspect that has a lot to do with why there is less sleepovers here. I began to wonder about my own judgement in parenting and was I too strict? And I prepared myself for what I thought was just the current way of teenage girls today! But this weekend was a reality for me...........

Megan found on facebook an old friend from preschool. They had chatted some over the years as her mother is a teacher in our district and the girl would sometimes visit the school. But she goes to a school about two towns over. They had been chatting online for a few weeks and decided to get together this weekend. Todd and I both thought this was a good thing as we felt that finding a friend that is not friends with her friends (did you stay with that) would be a good thing right now. And because they were from a different district there would be no influence from her friends on this girl. They were free to just.......be.

This weekend began with the mother requiring us to contact her to confirm details on the weekend. Something unheard of with Megan's friends! They arrived on Saturday and mom came in to chat which was nice as it had been some time since I had seen them too. The girl arrived with cell AND a computer which had internet access. But they were never taken out! Another thing unheard off with Megan's friends! If Megan's friends are not on the cells, they are on the computer chatting. So much so that it becomes rude! And access to the internet would never be allowed in Megan's room! These two laughed and played outside and were up to 4am. She sat at our table and easily chatted over dinner which told me she was used to family meals at her home. She goes to church and is honor roll and sings in the choir. I went to bed and knew that the girls were ok and I didn't have to sit up and watch to make sure they weren't trying to do something that they shouldn't! It was like night and day! A refreshing weekend!

When morning arrived, I began to think on the weekend. What made this girl different? Obviously my previous thoughts that all teenage girls today were the same was wrong. Then it hit me. This girl was different because this girl would never be part of Megan's current group of friends. She was overweight. Had some acne. Didn't have makeup on and nails painted. This girl would more likely than not become part of the music group in high school. Even, dare I say it, band! Megan's group of current school friends were going to branch off into one of two groups.....the troublemakers and the 'in' group. And there Megan sits between the two! She does not like the 'in' group. There is no future cheerleader in her at all nor does she want to be a 'mean' girl and greatly protests at the very thought! And she struggles with the rudeness of the rest of the group. She understands that these girls are going to get into trouble. And she does not like the rudeness they portray. And so Megan is struggling to find her way in a group of friends that will most likely not be her BFFs to come.

And I feel and understand her issues. Megan, is by nature, shy. Finding friends will not come easy for her. She is very much like me. So turning away friends whom you grew up with since childhood and going off to make new ones will be no easy task for her. I pray that this weekend was a light for her too and that a good friendship will continue to grow. No, this girl does not go to Megan's school but this friendship can open up possibilities of others around her. Teach her to look outside of her group and that there are good kids out there whom she can call friend. And I pray this friendship continues to grow as I feel it would be a very good thing.

If nothing else, this weekend shined a new light of what can be and maybe even help Megan find her way!