Joy and saddness all mixed up in one tight little wrapper!

I can't believe that we are heading into mid summer already. 

I also can't believe that I have only been in the pool twice.  Ok.  Maybe three if I am generous.  Summer did not exactly start out in a bang this year.  It was many many days of rain and cool weather right up to mid June. To be exact, I didn't even pack away the long sleeves until my kids got out of school this year and, for us, that is late!!!  I do not stick my big toe in the pool if it has not been 98.5 degrees for a minimum of 7 days, 5 hours and 2 sec!  It is waaaaaaay too cold for me.  The kids will jump in and yell 'it's nice mom'!  But I know the truth. I can see their lips turn blue and the little shiver as the water passes their belly button.  They can't fool me none!

So as this week we have finally hit a heatwave and I have been in my glory!  Not that I have been in the pool much yet.  It hasn't been exactly 7days, 5 hours and 2sec yet.  But it is getting there.  I am thinking after the next two days of hitting 103 plus, it should be good to go!

I also can't believe that I only have about two and 1/2 weeks to go until vacation!  I have begun buying tickets and making packing lists.  Soon I will dig out the bags and start throwing things inside and that is when the excitement will hit.  And the guilt.  I take a vacation every year and every year I feel guilty for taking one.  Guilty for spending the money.  Guilty for taking time off from my work.  Guilty for leaving my dog home.  I will spend hours awake thinking on if I paid a certain bills and who is watching the dog on what days and did I remember to buy XYZ. And then, of course, I have the one daycare parent who will make me feel like a complete heel for taking this time even though I work year round, hardly ever close, am open 5 days a week for over 10 hours each.   It won't be until I hit the bridge that I will be glad for my little break from reality and the guilt will be left behind.

Megan is missing this week too.  She is off visiting her grandparents.  I miss her terribly.  Not that I would tell her or make a big thing out of it.  When one of my kids are missing it is like a piece of my life is missing. ( I won't even go into the experience I had when Ryan went to Aussie land for three weeks!!!) I am glad she feels like spreading her wings and enjoying life outside of our little reality.  It does make me wonder how life will be for ME when Delaney leaves the nest as the last child.  Will I be happy for what we have produced and they go off into life to experience it?  Or will I be an old lady, sitting on my front porch and missing them all with every once I have in my body?  Probably the last.  I'll try to do it at places like cruises, a sandy beach or Disney.....but I will still feel the loss.

And so, we come close to ending another week of the summer which brings us another week closer to, dare I say it, SCHOOL!  That ever mixed feeling of joy that they are off again and missing them as they get on the bus.  I have already begun my school shopping spree.  Picking up things here and there.  I love the excitement and the shopping and, I will admit it, perhaps the smell of the markers and glue helps too!  There is nothing like the feel of a brand new notebook!  (Stop judging me! We all have our little 'things'!)

You spend time picking up things and packing up and getting them ready to go.  There is the morning of and the alarms go off and it becomes the mad rush for the door!  Then there is the quiet that follows.  After 2 1/2 months of them being home, there is nothing but quiet.
And this year will be a little more sad as Delaney heads off to school too.  Actually two more of my daycare children head off as well.  I will be sending 5 children off on those buses in the morning.  Even though my house will be still full of daycare children, it won't be the same without those missing pieces here.

I guess I should go to enjoy the time I do have with them here.
I am off to get my swimsuit on.  Not to be confused with the fact that I might actually jump in the pool.  But just in case...........