Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Is that the child we really want to raise?

I get about a good 10 minutes each morning at best to catch a glimpse of the news in between daycare arrivals, making peanut butter sandwiches and school buses.  Over the last few weeks I am amazed at what I get to see! There is the usual shooting and natural disasters and weather man reports. But what I find amazing lately is the parenting reports. 

One day there was the "spanking causes mental issues later in life" report.  Then there was the "time outs are bad and cause children to have lower self esteem" report.  Those are mixed in with the "every child should win" stories and the "children should be taught to not have to share" report that was on recently.  Most times I shake my head.  The book stores are filled with a mix of confusing parenting advise that parents do not seem to know which to believe. Now we get to view it on our television sets in the morning. 

Today was the final straw.  Today's report was "we should not tell our children no!".

We are teaching our children that they are entitled with these views.  That they can do anything they please and have no consequence for their actions.  Telling a child NO is not a bad thing.  It teaches limits and rules.  It helps them understand safety and a better understanding of their environment.  It also teaches who is in control.  By allowing our children to follow these new and latest theories we are teaching our children nothing of value. 

Or at least values I am certain I do not want MY children to know.

I do not want my children rewarded a prize for playing soccer with no rules so that "everyone wins" and allow them to think that they do not have to work hard in life.  You are not handed promotions and raises because you just show and take up a desk at a job.  There are winners and there are losers in life.  I want my children to learn from their failures and to use those failures to improve themselves.  That is how we learn.  That is how we advance and grow.  Life does not hand them rewards for nothing.

I do not want my children to think that behaviors like hitting and pushing and running in the road does not get punishments like a time out!  These are unacceptable behaviors!  You do not go through life doing whatever you please with no ramifications for your thoughts and actions.  I want my children to learn respect and empathy and to follow directions.  I want them to understand that doing inappropriate things result in a punishment so that next time they understand it is not ok to do it again.

I do not want my children to have to share.......oopps. Ok so I kind of agree with this one. In a small way.  I do not teach my children that they must give up what they are playing with to give to another child simply because the other child asked for it.  That takes us back to entitlement.  A child demanding a sand toy and receiving it because the other child should share it not ok. But I also want them to learn to share with others as well.  That makes for kind and caring adults.  To allow a child to play with something and then teach them to say "I am not done with it yet but I will give it to you in a few minutes' or to say "I am playing with it now but would you like to play with me too" would be much nicer. It teaches the child asking for the item to wait and not demand.  It teaches the child with the toy compassion and love for others.

I guess I do not understand all these new parenting thoughts.  Maybe I am turning into an old lady stuck in my old lady ways.  But I know what I do not want.  I do not want the children these theories will produce.  I am proud of my children.  They are caring and giving kids.  They do not get into trouble and show respect for others around them.  They know their actions can hurt and learn to say sorry for it.  They are compassionate and empathic and loving.

I know what I do want.  I want NO in my house.  It is allowed.  I am allowed to say and so are my children.  Maybe my children will end up on some drs couch for it in the end but right now I will stay away from these parenting ideas.  I say NO to them!  I know THAT is not the child I want to raise.

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Say WHAT?!

My youngest, Delaney is in girl scouts.  Brownies to be exact.  We are gearing up for a camping trip and I am not sure which I am going to have fun with more.......the camping with my daughter or the camping with the other moms.

Delaney is all full of excitement over the trip.  She wants to do everything and then some.  So I am voting in favor of the other moms.

When the moms all voted that we should do a trip to the spa next year instead of camping and the leader asked if anyone knew campfire songs and you could already hear the sounds of crickets, I knew this was going to be one fun weekend.  If nothing else I get the feeling I am going to be laughing my head off.

Listen.  I do not profess to be some sort of outback survivor.  We like doing outdoors things like rafting and hiking but in the end mommy wants her ac/cable tv/fluffy mattress filled room with running water, a toilet and a restaurant preferred. But I wasn't going to complain.  This was an adventure with my daughter.  I am game and ready. I view it kind of like a bug.  Outside I shrug my shoulders and squish the bug cause I don't want my daughter to be scared but inside I am secretly screaming and having a panic attack and when I clean up the dead bug I go to the bathroom for a good cry.  I think this camping trip is going to be a bug.  I shall slap on my old sneeks, pull my hair into a baseball cap and suck it up.  Its for my daughter after all. I'm game.

The other moms?  Not so much!

There will be no experienced hikers in this group or ones who love to fish or can stir up one mighty fine 3 course meal by the light of a camp fire while singing jazzy and exciting campfire songs.  I have heard a lot of groans during the planning and one mom asking if she can bring her tv and another who said that if her daughter didn't know about this trip she so wouldn't be going. The loud hurrah for a spa next year was the final straw for me. Inside I am already giggling.  This is going to be soooooooooooooo fun!

Ok. I admit I am stocking up on bug spray and already have enough lights to bring a small passenger plane in for a landing and I do plan to bring a cooler for our tent cause not only will Delaney starve with FISH for dinner but, well, mommy might want an oreo on occasion.  And I hand picked the mom and daughter we will room with.  First cause they seem nice.  Second cause she was the one that said she would stay home if her daughter didn't know about the trip.  Come on.  How could I resist? I envision a lot of laughing in that tent! 

The only thing that I myself will not do on this trip is fish.  I will hike. I will go out for hours hunting leaves of every kind in a downpour wearing my lovely poncho as it clings to my damp and humid legs. I will jump in the lake with my daughter and swim.  I will pick ticks off us and even squish a bug.  I will attempt campfire pancakes which I am not so sure will be edible.  But I will not, in any way, fish! Momma don't touch no fish!  I don't catch them. I don't remove them from the hook. I sure am NOT gutting and cleaning them.  And there is no way on this living planet I am going to TOUCH THE WORM TO CATCH IT.  This was just announced today that we have to provide our own worms and I draw the line. I have limits.  And I think that Delaney isn't likely either.  And if the other spa loving moms are a preview into this story, I think it safe to say that when the leader asks where our worms are there will be a long silence filled with cricket music (and my laughter as the leader has to bait, unhook and clean 20 fish as we watch).  I see some sketchy fishing badges coming from this trip.

You know this is going to be good!

I will lay on my sleeping bag covered cot, covered in bug spray with my tent lit up like a mansion and eating my oreos while I laugh with "not going camping" mom over the adventures of the day and after the fishing experience I see coming........

maybe plan for the spa trip next year with them.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

I do not believe my week can get much better than this!

I awoke this morning late with my alarm blaring.  A good 20 minutes late in fact. I am a light sleeper so for my alarm to be roaring some song for 20 minutes is a shock in itself and just a taste of how my morning was going to go.  I jumped out of bed and ran for Megans room since she gets up first and is now late getting in the shower.  This is not good if you know my daughter at all.  A minute late means missing the bus for Megan.  She is a snail with long hair and skinny jeans.

As I run past the kitchen I see a note that she has wet jeans in the washer that she decided to throw in last minute last night before bed and they need to go in the dryer.  I sigh because everything is always last minute with Megan and this is not unusual to see a note about wet clothes and turning on the dryer in the morning.  BUT we are 20 minutes behind and that is 20 minutes those jeans do not have. 

I run and kick her out of bed and make a mad dash downstairs to the dryer.  This now has me about 30 minutes behind myself.  I run back up and into my bathroom and start to get ready only to hear BANG BANG BANG.  My eye squints in anger and think that surely this cannot be an early daycare arrival THIS early!  I run to the window and look for a car...........nothing.  Back in I go and I hear BANG again.  Thinking it is probably Megan dropping the shampoo, I begin to head in the shower myself.  BANG!!!!!!!!!! I know this is not just me hearing things. I throw on something and go check on Megan and ask if she is ok.  Her comment........

"NO! I am not ok.  The bathroom door is stuck!  I told Dad it was having a problem but he didn't fix it and now I cannot open it!"

You see we have about the cheapest doorhandles the builder could find put on this house when they built it.  This is not the first time having this issue but usually it is a closet door where you can pry it open.  This is the first time someone got stuck in a room and couldn't turn the handle. 

I grasp the handle and tug.  Nothing.  I try the other way.  Nothing.  I push and turn in some odd hope it would work. Nothing.  Then I bust up laughing.  I know Megan does not find this funny and neither should I but after the week I had, this is just about the cherry to my cake!  It is more a laugh of disbelief but laugh I do. 

I run and grab a hammer and some screw drivers and rush back.  I am able to push the hammer and a screw driver under the door and tell her to work on the hinges while I am on the outside working on the handle.  Neither is budging. 

I call Todd at work and after a few comments about how the saying 'why put off till tomorrow what you can do today' should become his new study in life, I ask for directions on how to get the handle off the door!!!  Here is the next funny is on backwards.  The screws are INSIDE! 

I bust up laughing again.  This seriously cannot be happening!  I imagine what I would have done and how firefighters would now be in my house had it been Delaney behind that door!  WHAT else can go wrong??!

Well let me tell you what else can go wrong.  Nothing is moving. The screws are tights.  The hinges won't budge.  It takes us forever to get the handle off. I can now see the "tongue" of the door handle in the opening. ( I will call it a tongue for lack of a better handyman term but you should get the general idea that I am referring to the little thing that slides in and out of the jam.)  I think we are almost done.  OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH NO!  It is jammed inside the door jam and will not move.  I push. I pry. I jam screw drivers in and say some words that are not very nice especially in my jammies at 6 in the morning in front of my daugher!  I am able to pry it off with some pliers.  Thinking that is the end?  OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH NO!  It breaks off into the door jam.  That door is not going anywhere!

Megan goes back to banging hinges while I giggle some insane laugh, wake Ryan to help and thinking if I should call 911.  Ryan comes up, looks at the door, announces it is stuck and he is going back to bed!  He is tired, cant do anything and we are keeping him awake!  He is so spreading the brotherly love.

Finally.  30 minutes later Megan gets the hinges off the door and we pry the door from the frame.

I would love to say that this is the end of my crazy morning but early arrivals for work, not getting a shower, rushing to wake Delaney who is now 30 minutes behind herself, eating breakfast running out the door and my dog pooping in the house cause no one took her out in the craziness....just about topped it off.

I do not believe my week can get much better than dog poop, late alarms, 911 and Megan stuck in the bathroom with no way out!!  Nope.  Just do not think so...................