You aren't my friend anymore!

Well it has happened.  I got 'the call' today.  If you are a parent you know exactly what I am talking about.  The call from another parent complaining about your child!!  I think we have all been there at some point and ,if not, you soon will be sometime between... oh..... birth and 30 years!  It is the bestest part of parenting other than maybe potty training and midnight puke sessions!

So I got my 1st call today from one of Delaneys classmates moms.   She wanted to let me know that Delaney was being kinda mean to her daughter.  Ok.....I will give her that.....Delaney CAN be bossy at times so I ask her what happened and prepare myself expecting to hear some awful, mean deed.  Mom tells me Delaney said "If you don't sit with me on the bus, you can't come to my birthday party"........

*sigh*

Seriously!?  

I was expecting something like "Your a stupid dumb kid and I don't like you!".  Kids this age say "If you don't do this or that I won't be your friend" all the time!! But the mom says her daughter got off the bus crying over this and so I felt I had to have the talk with Delaney.  What I came away with I do NOT understand no matter how I tried to wrap my mind around it.

The girls do not sit near each other on the bus.  They have assigned seats.  Delaney sits in the back with a girl named Kari (whom BTW she is completely happy sitting with!) and the other girl sits at the front in her assigned seat.  So I am thinking maybe it happened in school.  Why a child would get off the bus "crying" for something like that, that happened in school hours earlier is beyond me but ok.....so I change gears and head that direction thinking there was a miscommunication.

Nope.

The girls already sit next to each other in school!  So why would Delaney have to say that if they sit next to each other?  So took it as a loss and I just had the general chat about being nice to her friends and that she needs to say sorry to her friend tomorrow and I BETTER not get that phone call again  etc etc etc  

On the other hand I don't think I would ever call another parent to complain about this!  I just think kids need to learn how to deal with things like this on their own.  They are friends today, enemies tomorrow and BFFs again at lunch! If we step in on simple matters, then they never learn how to deal with relationships and issues on their own.  How do they work conflicts out if they are always 'crying' to mom and dad and expecting them to make it all better? 

Now one could say "Well you can say that cause it wasn't your child crying".  But I HAVE been on both sides.  I have had two aggressive and bossy kids and one very quiet and gentle child.  I have also been working with young children a good 25 plus years!  And I would still hold to letting them work it out to anyone who would ask me.

Parents years ago didn't step in like they do today.  Kids got into fights and disagreements.  They worked it out on the playground and baseball fields and lunchroom.  They became friends in Sept, enemies in Jan and friends again in June.  It is all about testing the waters and learning who your real friends are. 

Don't get me wrong. I don't think any child should come off the bus crying no matter how trivial I think it was. Which is why Delaney still got the finger shaking-mom is not happy-talk.  But .......

..........at what point do we learn to let our children go and grow on their own?

The love of my life!!

I have met someone new.  I finally must admit to it.  He is handy and talented and very neat and , in my eyes, just about the best thing to happen to me in a long time. I rather find him even more attractive than my own husband and not so sure I can live without him!

Oh don't get so excited!

I would love to say he is tall dark and handsome.....and maybe a little rich...  but in truth he is skinny and pale and doesn't do much but lay around.  His name is called Mr. Reynolds Parchment Paper!!!  And I am sooooooooooo in love with him!

Around the holidays I had a ton of cookies to do and found this in the isle at Walmart.  My nonstick trays are getting kinda old and majorly used so I picked it up on a whim.  It was then the love affair began!  I LOVE this stuff!  I rip out a sheet, bake, throw it out and don't even have to clean a tray!  Nothing sticks.  Nothing burns.  I am more excited over this than a Jim Dandy at Friendlys!  And that is saying a lot!

Other than my new found friend....
Nothing else is happening much.  Winter is here and all is quiet.  There is no soccer or events.  School and work and that about covers our weeks.

Ryan just started college. You are right!  He IS still in highschool.  But he has no need to classes until graduation and so he has started college early.  I am so proud of him cause if you know him at all, this is a HUGE step!  For those who dont know, Ryans has a learning disability and so far this beginning has been rocky.  He doesn't test well and so did poorly on his ACT and college placement exam.  This means that he has to start at lowest of low classes and work up.  Taking longer to get to the end.  BUT he has a chance to test out of each of these classes and has done so each time! 

He began in basic math, tested out of that, and is in 100 Algebra which is just below college level.  And he began in reading and just tested out of that and is in English Comp now.   It is a pain.  A bit of 2 steps forward and three back and 4 forward but we are on our way!  I am not sure what this journey will mean for him but he is making it and I could not be more proud.

The girls are just doing their everyday thing!  Winter and summer is my fav.  There is little to do but lay around and enjoy life.  Although, I would much prefer 90 degrees and a beach but I will take it all the same!

And so that ends my little update. My cookie bell just went off and I must have a meet up with my love!!!!!!!!!!  ;)

(a few yummy cookies don't hurt either!)

O-M-G!

Megan headed off last weekend to a youth retreat with her church.  After she left and the quiet of the house over took me, I was walking around picking up this and that and came across this in her room.............

I would like to say this was just from packing to go but in truth....it has been like this for a while.  Just slowly and steadily growing!  Her 18 year old brother....a boy!.....is nothing compared to her.  But Megan has always been like this.  Refusing to pick up after herself even at a young age.  The rule of 'either you clean it up or I will get out the trash bag' always fell on silent young ears!  She could have cared less if her toys were put in a trash bag and never seen again!  She didn't have to pick it up in the end and it was a few less toys to worry about the next time I took out the bag!!  But as she ventures into teenage world, it is getting worse. 

And unacceptable!  When she returned, there was a note on her door that said "Clean this up by next weekend or I WILL DO IT FOR YOU".  The meaning silent but very clear.   At age 5 she didn't care if another barbie made it into that black trash bag.  Now?  I think she would not like 1/2 her clothes and make up and music and shoes missing. I am sure the loss of her cell phone, cause it was on the floor, would be the end of the world! When I mentioned it to her about her room looking like that, her comment to me was "Ryan takes after you.  I take after Dad!!".  And boy does THAT not speak volumes!?  If this is the lessons we teach our kids, we might need to learn a few ourselves.  But that is going into a whole other post and a whole set of new pics!

Now the suspenceful question is....did she pick up her room?  Where are the new pics of her shiney and lovely teenage space?  Well, she did spend all day yesterday cleanging up that room.  And I do mean ALLLLLLLLL day. So what was the outcome?  Well, lets just say.........

She has off school tomorrow and guess what she will be doing with her free time?

Lesson learned from THIS parent?  No one is happy till momma is happy!

Allergy Moms, pick up your arms and attack!

That was the call that came in my email this morning.  A call to arms from all the allergy sites I am signed up with and all the personal emails coming from leaders of the sites.  This in response to a young 7 yr old in Richmond, Va who died from a peanut.  There was anger.  There was outrage.  And honestly....I had no clue what this story was about and began looking up what happened.

Allergy parents all over want to attack the school! Attack the teacher!  Attack the nurse!  It was their fault they let a child die this way!  How dare they!  And they want me to stand beside them and shout with anger too because I am one of them but I have to say that I am not sure who I am more upset with....

#1 This child was in 2nd grade. A 7yr old turning 8.  I have dealt with food allergies for 18 long years.  All three of my children have had or have them at one point in time or the other.  And ALL of them by 7yrs old knew their allergy.  They knew what they were allergic to.  They knew to ask if food was safe.  They knew what to do should they feel a reaction.  By 4yrs old, Megan was able to give you a list of allergies from food to a break down of environmental, her reactions to each and what to do.  And yet this child, peanut allergic, ate a peanut on the playground given to her by a friend.  Not a hidden peanut in something like a cookie. ATE AN ACTUAL PEANUT.  This tells me the parents did not prepare this child.  When we send our food allergic child out in the world, even at age 7, we have to not only prepare the adults who care for them but give responsibility to the child as well.  Not all adults will pick up on things.  Not all adults are food allergy aware.  A child must know what their allergy is and that is a fact and a fact of survival.....even at age 7! An actual peanut could not be any more obvious.

#2 The school does not openly talk about the situation but has given statements along the way like  "Execution of the plan is dependent on the parent's ability to inform the school of needs and to provide appropriate resources," Smith said in a statement to msnbc.com. " And that the school sent home forms for the parents to fill out and it is their responsibility to fill it out and bring in the needed medications.  This is in reports.  In the news.  In interviews.  This tells me the parent must have not done something.  Either she didn't fill out the form or updated it.  We know she didn't have the medications there.  She says she brought in an epipen and the school refused her but other parents from the same school say they have had no issues with the school and their medical plans.  She said she gave them permission to give Benedryl but there was none provided at the school. Allergy moms are furious cause they know there was Benedryl and epipens there for other students and the school should have used them to save her life.

Here is the reality....schools will NOT....WILL NOT use a medication meant for another child no matter how ill your child is.  They WILL NOT....WILL NOT use an epipen meant for another child.  You can write it is ok to give your child XYZ but without a letter of consent, a dr note AND the medication, that letter will of parent permission will mean little in an emergency.  That is the reality of it.  And expecting a school to take an epipen from another student and use it is illegal.  And I am furious that I am expected to stand beside these moms and shout in outrage because, quiet frankly, they are being stupid!

So who is to blame?  The child who didn't know her own allergies and ate the peanut?  Her friend who had a peanut in her pocket on the playground and gave it to her friend? The parent who didn't follow school rules on preparing for an allergic reaction?  The school/teacher/nurse who stood by and let the child die and did nothing more than call 911?

This is what I do know.....
My children had or have food allergies.  I do not ever expect another person to be 100% reliable for them and assume EVER that the caregiver will know how to deal with my children's allergies.  I don't assume a waitress will check to see there are no carrots in the salad.  I do not assume that the Sunday school teacher will check to make sure there is no wheat in the item she is handing out.  I do not assume that my child's friends mother will look at labels when they go over for dinner. 

I DO assume that my children know their allergies or at least pretty darn well.  Allergies to foods.  Allergies to environmental.  Allergies to medications. I do know that my children know to ask if something is safe before eating it and if unsure they look themselves or not eat it at all.  I do know that when in doubt, I provide the replacement items so my child can eat safe.  I do know my children know what to do if they have a reaction. 

One of the things that angers me the most with allergy moms (and I only speak for some, not all) is that they assume the world owes them to keep their child safe.  We have peanut free schools but I seriously doubt they would go egg free or wheat free or dairy free even if a child were anaphylactic to them.  Yet parents of food allergy children feel that a school with 100 or even 1000 should conform to their child's needs.  And this greatly angers me which is why I post very little on the food allergy sites for parents.  The world owes us nothing!

Delaney was wheat, barley and oat allergic.  The 1st three years of her life she was on a gluten free diet.  Certianly too young to even say she can't have a cookie provided unknowingly by someone.  Did I expect social gatherings to become gluten free for my child?  No.  I provided my own food for her.  Notified teachers and caregivers and friends.  Even went so far as to put stickers on her in large gatherings that said "Do no feed me.  I am food allergic" simply because she was too young to say it herself.

Megan is apples, carrots and tree nuts.  Do I expect the school to clear out the veggie and fruit bins and shut down the school if there is a tree nut?  No.  I provide safe foods when needed. She avoids when uncertain. Knows not to even touch a plate or table if they are there. And knows what to do with that epipen in an emergency.

Food allergies are a life sentence.  They deal with them, most times, forever.  They must know their allergies, reactions and what to do.  They must learn to fight for their life and conform to their environment.  Not the environment conform to them.  It is not their teachers responsibility or their friends or the Sunday school teacher or the waitress.  It is theirs.  They have lived like this all their lives.  It IS their lives.  It is a part of them.

So what is the solution to a very sad and tragic thing like this?  Well after reading, I do rather like that epipens are being pushed to be available in schools.   To be used in an emergency like cpr would be done or a defibrillator would be used and not given permission for if your child suddenly collapsed.  As all allergy moms know, new foods strike up attack at any moment and can take us by surprise. Wouldn't it be nice to know that safety net is there?  There for the children who know of food allergies and for those who don't know and are suddenly hit.

I do think that schools, teachers and the food industry should be better informed on allergies.  Nothing angers me more than sitting in a restaurant and pointing out something on a plate that we requested not be there and the waitress just removes it and hands back the plate!  This is ignorance and should not be happening.  People who work with food and care for children should be better trained.  Knowledge will save a life. Ignorance can kill.

But, overall, the most important thing that can be done is lets take some responsibility for our kids and ourselves too and not assume the world around them will do it for us!

In this moment of tragedy, we shouldn't be shouting with anger at any one person.  There was not one single person to blame in the Richmond, VA incident.  Everyone was to blame.  All of us. A child lost a life because somewhere, somehow she fell through the crack.  Instead of shouting and taking up arms and pointing fingers, wouldn't it be better for all our children to learn and grow from this?  Her 7yr old life was worth so much more!  The question really is.....where do we go from here?