I get about a good 10 minutes each morning at best to catch a glimpse of the news in between daycare arrivals, making peanut butter sandwiches and school buses. Over the last few weeks I am amazed at what I get to see! There is the usual shooting and natural disasters and weather man reports. But what I find amazing lately is the parenting reports.
One day there was the "spanking causes mental issues later in life" report. Then there was the "time outs are bad and cause children to have lower self esteem" report. Those are mixed in with the "every child should win" stories and the "children should be taught to not have to share" report that was on recently. Most times I shake my head. The book stores are filled with a mix of confusing parenting advise that parents do not seem to know which to believe. Now we get to view it on our television sets in the morning.
Today was the final straw. Today's report was "we should not tell our children no!".
We are teaching our children that they are entitled with these views. That they can do anything they please and have no consequence for their actions. Telling a child NO is not a bad thing. It teaches limits and rules. It helps them understand safety and a better understanding of their environment. It also teaches who is in control. By allowing our children to follow these new and latest theories we are teaching our children nothing of value.
Or at least values I am certain I do not want MY children to know.
I do not want my children rewarded a prize for playing soccer with no rules so that "everyone wins" and allow them to think that they do not have to work hard in life. You are not handed promotions and raises because you just show and take up a desk at a job. There are winners and there are losers in life. I want my children to learn from their failures and to use those failures to improve themselves. That is how we learn. That is how we advance and grow. Life does not hand them rewards for nothing.
I do not want my children to think that behaviors like hitting and pushing and running in the road does not get punishments like a time out! These are unacceptable behaviors! You do not go through life doing whatever you please with no ramifications for your thoughts and actions. I want my children to learn respect and empathy and to follow directions. I want them to understand that doing inappropriate things result in a punishment so that next time they understand it is not ok to do it again.
I do not want my children to have to share.......oopps. Ok so I kind of agree with this one. In a small way. I do not teach my children that they must give up what they are playing with to give to another child simply because the other child asked for it. That takes us back to entitlement. A child demanding a sand toy and receiving it because the other child should share it not ok. But I also want them to learn to share with others as well. That makes for kind and caring adults. To allow a child to play with something and then teach them to say "I am not done with it yet but I will give it to you in a few minutes' or to say "I am playing with it now but would you like to play with me too" would be much nicer. It teaches the child asking for the item to wait and not demand. It teaches the child with the toy compassion and love for others.
I guess I do not understand all these new parenting thoughts. Maybe I am turning into an old lady stuck in my old lady ways. But I know what I do not want. I do not want the children these theories will produce. I am proud of my children. They are caring and giving kids. They do not get into trouble and show respect for others around them. They know their actions can hurt and learn to say sorry for it. They are compassionate and empathic and loving.
I know what I do want. I want NO in my house. It is allowed. I am allowed to say and so are my children. Maybe my children will end up on some drs couch for it in the end but right now I will stay away from these parenting ideas. I say NO to them! I know THAT is not the child I want to raise.