The great escape

We are off today for my brother in laws birthday party and I have to say that I wish I woke up sick or there was 10ft of snow or the car wouldn't start or.....well just about anything would work. I hate going to family gatherings. Coming from someone who comes from a small family, you would think I would love it. But Todds family gatherings are not that much fun. There is no partying and laughing and games in the back yard with children running everywhere. These family gatherings are rather...um....interesting.

First let me give you a bit of a background. Todd is one of 4 children and he was the 'oops' baby. The late in life "opps honey, I am pregnant" baby. His siblings are all older. Much older. And his mother is one of 13 children. 12 being all girls. The oldest is in her late 90's. They are all widowed. There is only one who is still married and that is the youngest and the only boy. This Uncle is only about 17 years older than Todd's brother who is now turning 60. Ok....following along? The siblings all have children except for one. And those children are older and some with children of their own. I am stuck in the middle. Too young to click with my sister in laws and too old for those with kids. So that usually leaves me with "the aunt's".

Imagine if you will a group of women all in their 80's or older, smelling of Bengay and perfume, all sitting around in chairs and chatting about the good old days. There is everything from "remember when we had to chase the chickens in the backyard and kill one for dinner" to "in the depression we didn't have XYZ and survived" to "Oh you so have to try this medication I am on. It so helps my joints!" Not that it is all bad. I rather have gotten to enjoy the stories.

Then there is the Uncle. Uncle Jonnie is a make all his own. Picture if you will, a 70 year old man in a light blue 1967 polly suit with a comb over and a glass of wiskey in his hand. You know when he is there because you hear across the room "Where are my pretty girls??" Uncle Jonnie loves the women. And he shows it with lots and lots of kisses and bear hugs. Anyone under the age of 50 is not safe. And if you happen to be a 5 year old in a dress and hair bow....well there is no saving you.

There is no chidren at this particular party today. So that means I have to bear it all alone. Just me and Todd. My plan? I am making the great excape! We are taking two cars. Todd can stay all he likes. I am going to say my hellos, eat lunch, get my Uncle Jonnie bear hug and make a run for it. I figure it might take some swift moves, ditches and few "I have to go to the ladies room" to make it to the door. I have been making the play in my head for about a week now. But nothing is foul proof!

We shall see if I make the great escape.........

Wish me luck!