One cannot live on tuna cassarole alone!

I was going to write a funny and attention captivating post but this morning, while I was gettin dressed, it got me thinking of more indepth topics. You will notice that I do my best thinking in the bathroom in the mornings! Probably cause that is the ONLY time of the day I am alone and CAN think! No bickering, no demands, no Barney or The Wheels on the Bus. Anyway........

For those that don't know, I have been dealing with my Grandmothers care for two years now. Since my Pop passed away. Grams has Alzhiemers Disease (hence forth known as AD). She is still very functional but needing much more care than I wanted or could give lately. She lived with us for two years, I handled her care for three, and she just recently moved to an assisted living center near us. So our life is kinda starting new again and currently being turned around trying to get resettled.

All this has lead me to some deep thinking over the last three years. I have moved from the self-centered world of young adulthood full of soccer practices and PTA cupcake bake sales, into a world of uncertainty. Like who will take care of me when I get older..... I don't have a pension, how will I live.... social security.... life insurances and long term care policies. So in my 30 something years (yeah I said 30 something....this is MY blog and I can say anything I want and I said 30 something! Have something to say about it, write your own blog! LOL)....so.....in my 30 something years I have started to think about the rest of my life. I can't say I like it either. This is why all our parents in their "30 something" years started being stressed out and developing things like ulcers and heartburn!! Cause it was at this point in their lifes they too stepped out of their world and into reality.

But all this thinking, besides giving me a headache, makes me think of my childhood. And as I move up that aging life chain, I wish I could step back into that world of warm tuna cassaroles, sandboxes and proms. (Maybe not in that order) How lovely life would be wouldn't it? If you could go back?? I remember wishing how soooooooooo wanted to be 17....21......25...... and now I think how lovely it would be to go and play in a sandbox.

I remember coming home and playing for hours after school outside till it got dark and the owl started to hoot. We would run and jump and play kick ball till "DINNER!" was called. Probably that warm tuna cassarole!!!! And if I was lucky there was some Koolaid and jello calling my name too! Remember when red dye was the "thing"???

I remember getting a metal kitchen set. It was a small set....too big for Barbie and too small for dolls. But I LOVED it. I got it on my 6th birthday and thought it was the best gift ever. It just might have been! It came with all these little kitchen items and foods. I played with that both inside and outside in my sandbox till it was old and rusty!

I remember Sunday being laundry day. Ahhh the smell of fresh sheets!!!! (No lysol there!) And eating dinner early so that we could get in our jammies to watch The Wonderful World of Disney before bed.

I remember when my 1st boyfriend broke up with me and how it seemed like the end of the world! I would never have anyone better and life was going to come to an end.

What I don't remember is how my Grandparents must have felt or lived. Being raised by older people, they came from an era where they just didn't fight in front of the kids. They didn't even TALK in front of us. I mean real talk.....like about finances, jobs and such. As I walk into this other world of my life, it makes me wonder how I never noticed these things. Was I so wrapped in my own world that I never wondered how they did it? Or were they just masters at creating a perfect childhood world??

How could they have afforded to pay for all those pageants I did as a child? How did they pay CASH for a new car??!! Didn't they every disagree with eachother?? Fight? Even over something like socks being left on the livingroom floor?? Cause if they did, I never noticed. I don't remember those kinds of memories. I don't remember being denied anything really. I think they were probably trying to make a perfect world to make up for one that wasn't so much. But I really don't remember the bad. And as an adult I now KNOW they had to struggle. And fight. They HAD too. But I just don't know those memories.

Todd and I do not live in that world. We live in a much different world. A world of socks in the livingroom, take out, fights over who left the milk out and talks with the kids on not being able to afford that new $800 video game that just came out last week that they don't need anyway cause they just got one a week ago for their birthday and they should play with that instead of asking for something else already and.....................*breath*............ok....yeah that might be another post yet!!! Seems I have issues! LOL!

I wonder if I am doing the right thing. I mean my life was pretty good as a child. My life in a self centered world of .....ME. I was happy. I wish I could go back!! Will my kids sit and think the same thing when they are turning "30 something"? Will they have happy memories? Or will they remember that they didn't get that $800 new video game?

I can only hope that they will still know they were loved and that they were happy. Even without the video game. That they will have memories full of hugs, kisses, friends and laughter. That they will remember the days at the beach, me and Dad teaching them to ride their 1st bike and swinging outside till the owl hooted and "DINNER" was called.

But I hope that they will also take with them the arguments too. So that they learn that they can fight when they are married and that it is ok. And every couple has financial issues and they can say no to that $800 video game and life goes on. And....well.....that life can still be good and happy. Cause one cannot live on tuna cassarole alone!

Stay tuned for the next blog installment entitled....Kim's issues with the $800 video game. Coming to your computer soon!